The One Pump Wonder

Yes, that guy who is selfish and only thinks of himself and what will get him off is now back in my life and looking for sex.   The only reason he’s back is because he broke up w/ his girlfriend.  And of course, I’m the first girl he comes running back to.  And all because I’m willing to experiment w/ him.  And there’s some level of “respect” between us.  And because I wore my black robe for him. 

It’s downright ridiculous.  Everything in my life is getting downright ridiculous.  I have the OM who only wants to lick my cunt, finger my ass, and jerk off into my mouth.  I have the One I Crave who has just now started to maybe take me seriously.  And now this dumbass motherfucker who thinks his tiny pinky dick is something that gets me off.  

I guilted the latter man into sending me a picture of his dick the other night.  I didn’t bother to tell him I received it.  I was laughing too much because it’s sad.  I’m going to wonder if I’ll start receiving phone calls around 9:30-10:00 on Saturdays from him.  Because, ya know, I had to bring up the infrequency of our last exploits.  Which wasn’t often at all. I don’t even know if often is rightly defined for the lack of frequency we had.   But he said if we should start fucking again, I can possibly count on every Saturday.  During the weeks, meh, not going to happen.  (I am jumping for joy.)

Ok, so he also said that he realizes he should have participated more in our sexcapes instead of just laying back and letting me service him.  Which I did as soon as he walked in the door till he walked back out the door.   He kept saying that he didn’t know what I wanted, that he’d try to do something but I’d always brush his hands away.  Ya know, this is true.  I would do that, but it was a test.  One he failed miserably.  If he would have just taken charge, he would have gotten everything, EVERYTHING, he wanted plus some.

I just thought of this.  I had to explain to him about the last time he was over.   Remember that? He took off his own shirt.  His own shirt!  His! His own shirt!   He didn’t see anything wrong w/ that.   Imagine what I saw wrong w/ that.   Let’s imagine.  If he wanted to fuck me, and he did by what all was pouring from his mouth, he should have taken off my shirt.  My shirt!  Mine!  My shirt!   I had to fucking explain that to him.  This is where I bang my head on the table or any hard metal surface would do, because if you wanna fuck, why not take charge and rip the woman’s clothes off.  That right there would tell her you mean business.  Especially when said woman would probably rock your fucking world for taking charge like that.  (Especially when she told you she would!)  Hell I’d fuck him till his dick fell off if he even showed one iota of dominance.   

Will he ever take a chance? That’s not the question.  The question is: What’s better, his dick or an erotica book?  I’ll leave you guessing. 

You Drive Me Crazy!

Men are so fucking stupid.  At least the ones I’ve been coming across lately.  I need to learn to leave the chatrooms alone.  Almost every guy I’ve come across does not have a license.  And it’s all for damn stupid shit.  So fucking stupid shit.  

And they’re looking for a relationship.  Looking for a girl to make their lives complete.  I don’t see how their life can be complete if they can’t even drive themselves places.   What if there was an emergency?  They couldn’t do a damn thing!  Legally at least.  It’s all such fucking bullshit. 

I’m 29 years old now.  In these 29 years I’ve managed to hold a  full time job for 9 years.  I’ve managed to live on my own for 8 years.  I’ve managed to have a car payment for 10 years.  I’ve managed to have my license for 13 years.  I’ve managed to have sex numerous times and have never ever been pregnant.   **Knock on wood**  I’ve managed to stay out of the law enforcements grasp, gaze, whathaveyou. 

I don’t see how anyone else can not manage that.  

A relative of mine has had his driver’s license taken away from him numerous times.  And for the same damn fucking thing.  You would think after the first or second time he’d learn his lesson.  You would think.  You would think anyone would learn their lesson.  But some things just don’t sink the fuck in.   My issue w/ this is the fact that I got to chauffeur him around.  I’m not fucking public transportation!  But I was used like I was. . . Still am being used like I am, because I feel obligated somehow.  And I hate that.

This is why I get pissed when a guy who seems like he’d be a good catch tells me he doesn’t drive.  And then I proceed to ask why they don’t drive.  And they give me some stupid ass fucking reason.  That’s what pisses me off the most. . . It’s a stupid fucking reason.  Not one like: I have seizures, I can’t drive.  No, it’s: too many speeding tickets or I set up street races for money, or I got caught driving on suspension. 

I’m staying away from internet chatroom ‘boys’ from now on.  It can go further than what it has and that isn’t far. . .  People need to be able to drive, not have me drive them.   Losers!

IT’S JUST ALL DOWN RIGHT FUCKING RIDICULOUS!

No Sex for Me

I’ll get back to personality after this:

I moved this past weekend, with the help of a male friend from work, who I’ll call A,  my dad, mom, & brother.   (I thought my brother would be working, come to find out he quit or got fired – which is why I asked A.)  Anyways, the moving day did not start off well.  First, I had to go to work.  Second, on the way home to move A decided he wasn’t actually going to pay full attention to how he was driving, and plowed into my back-end.  The sound it made was horrendous.  But little damage was done, just some chipped paint.  Either way, I was okay w/ my baby being hit, and I made A aware of this.  Told him not to dwell on it.  Well, he did, and probably still is 5 days later.

Anyways, A decided to start tearing down my water-bed frame while we waited on my dad to get ready.  In the process of doing this, I told him that the headboard needed to come down first since it is heavy.  He didn’t listen.  Instead, he took off the one side, took off the bottom, and took off the other side.  The headboard comes crashing down.  Well, ok, I caught one side of it, but still, the other side *crashed* down!   That actually pissed me off.  And so I started moving things and got away from him. 

See, A has issues.  He’s taking medication for them.  But I found out he took himself off of his medication for the past week.  Which is not good.  He’s a little anxious.  He dwells, etc.   So, he’s constantly go, go, go.  This part of his personality bothers me.  I can’t handle it.  It’s annoying and just overall frustrating.  Ok, more annoying than anything.

Anyways, my point in this is somewhere.  Somewhere being, I could never, in a million years be in a relationship w/ a man like this.  If I say something, I want to be heard.  I don’t want to have to worry about his mental welfare. I don’t want to have to worry about my physical possessions.   Listen to me!!!

Another point.  All my friends seem to think A and I would be perfect together.  Since, mostly, we already have that  Been-Married-For-50-Years friendship.  We fight, we laugh, we talk, we don’t.  Like we’ve been married for 50 years.   But there’s a reason, maybe two, why we haven’t given an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship a chance.  His: because he doesn’t want to ruin another friendship. Mine: he doesn’t have sex.

Yes, he doesn’t have sex.  He is a born again christian, which goes against everything I believe in.  I believe I should be able to try the milk before I buy the cow.  I believe if the sex isn’t good, the relationship won’t last.  I believe if my needs can’t be met experimentally, at least, there’s no chance.  

I know this guy, I feel it deep down in my bones, he would never go for what I have in mind.  He would never tie me up. He would never spank me like he means it.  He would never wrap his hand around my throat.  He would never bite me.  He would never pull my hair.  He would never paddle me.  He would just never take charge.  I can only see him doing it missionary.  Possibly even doggy style.  And of course, every mans’ dream: girl on top.  But not how I want it.  Not what will turn me and turn me loose. 

Nobody . . . .well, nobody that actually knows me, thinks he’ll just turn his nose up at my suggestions.  They all think that given half the chance, I could probably get him to have sex before getting married. That I could get him to do kinky, freaky things w/ me.   But I know A, I know him so well, it’s not going to happen. 

This is why I can not be w/ him.  It’s actually first and foremost.  Way beyong his mental instability. Way beyond his need to do everything for everybody.  (He’s not needy tho, do not confuse or blur that line.)   But at the same time, I don’t want to have to deal w/ the way he is on a daily basis.  During work is enough for me.

But yet, nobody seems to understand.

What Goes Around . . .

I met a 19 year old 2 years ago.  On the internet.  It was around 11pm when we first started chatting.  And around midnight I finally gave in to him coming over for some fun.  He was so persistent.  Something I almost like about men.  I kind of like having the decision making taken away from me.  And he did, because I know if I would have said no, which I actually did, he would have kept asking and telling me to let him come over. 

Yes, I do realized I could have just logged off to end the harassing.  But I wanted to be persuaded.  And well, I was sort of in a needy mood.    So he came over.  (After he got lost for a good 20 minutes.)

We had idle chitchat for about 10 minutes, then we moved it to my bedroom.  He stripped me down bare.  He kept his t-shirt on.  He kissed me.  He couldn’t kiss that well.  I should have known from there it wasn’t going to be all that good.  He proceeded to shove 2 fingers inside me and roughly jerk me off.   I repeatedly told him over and over, “Not so hard.”  I even grabbed his wrist to stop him from trying to touch my lungs w/ his fingers.   It was so rough, within 10 minutes I was swollen inside.  I was so uncomfortable.  But at the same time, I was kind of turned on.

Finally he stopped abusing my pussy, and stuck his dick inside me, which was nicely shaped and of a tad bit over average size.  The sex lasted all of 5 minutes.    So not only was I extremely sore, I didn’t get off.    Inconsiderate lover?  Definitely.  After we got dressed, he needed a cigarette.  So did I, just to get him out of my place.  We smoked.  He left.

The following days, he called me.  And called me.  And called me.  And called me.  Etc. Etc.  One day, in a span of 45 minutes he had called  me a total of 12 times.  And it was kind of embarrassing for me since I was at a drug store refilling a prescription.  And my phone kept ringing.   I know, I should have turned it off, but I wanted to see just how many times in a row he’d call me.  Just so I could get a sense of what exactly I was dealing w/.   Or yeah, I could have answered it.  But talking to him, or rather, him talking to me, just wasn’t all that interesting.

He tried and tried and tried to talk to me.  I finally gave in around January 5th because it was his birthday and he was spending it at home, w/ his dad.  I felt bad for him.  So, he turned 20 in my bed.  He wasn’t so rough, and the sex was a smidge better.  Still no orgasm f0r me.  And he talked.  Nonstop for about an hour.  I could not get a word in edgewise.  (This is why him talking to me just isn’t all that interesting.)   Then I kicked him out.  Oh, after he bummed a cig from me. 

Broke bastards who still live w/ their parents should not be smoking if they can’t afford it.  Supporting my habit is hard enough.   Ok, so ya paid attention there right……… lives w/ his parents.   This is going to come into play.  Soon.

I dodge him for awhile after the “birthday present.” I didn’t answer my phone when he called, and I think I even blocked him from messaging me.  And then I got careless and unblocked him and low and behold, he shows up.   He says he wants to see me again.  He says he wants me.  He says all that shit that men think women want to hear so they can get in their pants. . . . and then I told him, “NO!”   All of a sudden I’m fat.  And I should be ashamed of where I live.  And my place probably shakes when I walk in it.  Yadda Yadda Yadda, Blah Blah Blick!  

This is what I expected from a 20 year old.  This is why I never, ever, ever stooped so low as to “date” a youngbuck.  They’re just not agreeable w/ me.   So, after that, that was that.   I pretty much wrote him off.  I thought,  “Good, this kid is going to go smoke up in his car listening to Lynryd Skynyrd, and work at the construction retail rodeo.  I can breathe easy now.”    Um.   No.

Couple months later, “Can I see you again?  I miss you.  You’re so beautiful.”   Last time I checked I was fat.  As in he said it like it was a bad thing.   Anyways, I pointed this out to him.  And I told him, of course, “I forgive you for what you said, but it is NOT forgotten.   You fucked up, you pay for your fuck up.   Sorry, I’m not going to lower myself to your level, because, truthfully, I can do better than a pot smoking just out of diapers wannabe hippy.”  Oh, and I didn’t even mention that he lives w/ his parents whereas I am, of course, Independent!  (This is where he lives w/ his parents comes into play. {Yes, I have issues w/ people who are of age who live w/ their parents and … don’t have a full time job, or have afull time job but would still rather mooch, it is, in a word, pathetically-sad.})

That wasn’t the only time I’ve heard from him.  And I’m quite sure I will hear from him again.  He just has that personality: WEAK!