Why Beg?

It’s like a downward spiral.  And . . . I want to go downdowndown.  Today, I’ve looked at pictures that were taken back in 2003 of OM.  And all I can do is laugh.  Not hilariously.  Just laugh.  It’s so funny to think that I’m crushing, lusting hard after someone who I use to find irritatingly …. just argh!

But last night, I learned I suck at begging. 

He said he wanted to do a few things to me.  And I’m all for. . . ALL FOR . . . what he was getting at, but then I asked him if I could suck his dick.  I asked him if he wanted me to beg for it.   Totally the wrong thing to say.  Men are all for women begging.   Pleading.   I made a sad, pathetic attempt.   I  sent the email off w/ a shake of my head.  I was so ashamed.  Open mouth, insert foot.  Not cock, but foot. 

 . . . I suck at begging.  I’ve got no talent for it.  No real reason to do it.  I don’t find begging for anything. . . anything at all. . . worth it.  If a person won’t tell me something they don’t want to tell me, why would I beg?  If I won’t harass a person to tell me what they got me for Christmas, why should I beg?   Nothing is worth begging for.  Not even to suck a guy’s dick.

If I want to do that. . . . I will.