It’s That Rape Thing, Again

The one guy, Eagles, that I wrote about in a previous blog has mentioned violating me.  Raping me.  And he said it jokingly. If only he knew.

We were talking late last night online and well, I was tired so I kind of went along w/ all he was saying.  And he mentioned, once again, he might rape me.  (That is, if what I told him prior conversations months ago, doesn’t stand now.)

He said we’ll get the niceities out of the way and then he’s taking me.  I asked him where he’s  taking me. 

“Eagles”:  I’m taking you over the tip of my cock straight down to my balls.

Ok, I’ll admit, that sent a tingle to my pussy.

I love it when a guy talks dirty to me.  Tells me what he wants to do to me.  What he wants me to do to him.  I love it when he uses those naughty words.  Like cock, dick, pussy, cunt.  And definitely, definitely fuck.  Oh how I love that word.

And w/ Eagles, rape is fast becoming a favorite.  (Hmmm, whoever would have thought?)

I think it’s funny that he keeps bringing up that word. And I’m not sure if he’s noticed that I haven’t said yay or nay to it.  Well, I guess if it’s rape, there really isn’t an answer I can give him.  He can only worry if his actions would land him in jail, or I’ll ask him for more.  But really, once you’ve been “raped” can you be raped again?  I think after the first time, there’s only being forceful. 

And he does seem to have a very dominant bone in his body.  Considering he wants to take me.  And I have no say in this.  But I did tell him once, before he became a damn wuss, that as soon as he walked in my door, he could strip me of my clothes and fuck the hell out of me.   I made him that promise.  But w/ what all happened, well. . . . do I still want him to do that?  I think I might just tell him no and see if he really will rape me. 

I think if he does, I just might have to kiss his feet!

A Fantasy Called Rape

I rented Irreversible from Netflix this past week.   I got it for the rape scene.  I heard it was unspeakably violent.  Very brutal.   Etc. Etc. Etc.

For any of you who don’t know, this movie is done in reverse order.  (Hmmm….) It shows the revenge for the girlfriend who was raped.  And it’s not a true revenge.  The rapist’s friend is the one who ends up w/ his face literally beaten to a bloody pulp.  Literally!   And in the middle is the so called brutal rape scene.     Yes, after shaking my head and calling the beginning of the movie stupid, stupid, stupid, then being horribly horrified over the fire extinguisher not-so-much-a-revenge, I fast forwarded it to the rape scene.  

I was unimpressed.  I was disappointed.  I was let down.   Ok, so to me, the only thing brutal about the rape was what happened afterward – having her head bashed in.   And all because she was trying to get away from him.   And she was a pretty rich chick.  And he was just sadistic.  Eh. 

I have a rape fantasy.  I’ve had the fantasy in my head ever since middle school.  I use to take walks at night, up and down the street I live on and think, “What if a guy were to jump out right now and try to rape me?”  My ready answer always was, “I’d let him.  You can’t rape the willing.”   The reasons for that kind of answer was, I was behind the times on losing my virginity.  And I thought that being raped was the only way I’d get laid.   (Can you really call getting raped getting laid?!)

So anyways, since I’ve grown up, since I’ve lost my virginity, since I’ve gotten laid,  I still have the rape fantasy.    Maybe it’s because I’d be helpless.  I’d be forced.  I’d …. oh, I don’t know.   I can’t imagine myself screaming for help.  I can’t see myself fighting him off.  All I see is me just laying there taking it.   (Like a good girl!)  

I never told any of my lovers or boyfriends that I wanted to be raped.  Except for ”Fucker,” (and he’s not a boyfriend nor a lover) he knows, but he refused to do it, since he had a girlfriend who was  raped in his own house by his own friend.   But he did offer to have one of his friends rape me.   How chivalrous.  But I guess the reason I never told any of them, I just didn’t want to have to deal w/ their pathetic attempts.  And I didn’t want them to think I was mental, or something.    I accused my X of trying to rape me once and he got the biggest puppy-dog-pouty-you-hurt-my-feelings look.  I wish he would have said he was………….And I would have let him.  Altho, he doesn’t know that, nor will he ever. 

Maybe one of these days I’ll be more specific.