Whip It Out, Big Boy!

I find that giving fellatio is a turn-on.

Ok.  I lied. 

It use to be a turn-on.  Back when giving them meant power to me.   Having a man’s dick in between my lips, running my tongue around and down him.  Fondling his balls gently in my hands… (Ok, sometimes not so gently.) Licking up and down, around, back down, hollowing my cheeks out.  It was a turn-on. 

To have a man’s pleasure in your hands.  Giving it.  Taking it away.  Prolonging it. It was a crazy thrill for me.  I use to meet guys and just give them blow jobs.  Nothing in return.  I just licked my lips, and walked away, when I was done.

If they had their hands in my hair, all the better.  I especially liked it when they pulled my hair out of my face so they could see better.  I liked looking up at them,  watching their eyes.  Seeing them watching their dick disappear into my mouth.   

The moans,  groans, the quickened breath, words of encouragement, the pleading.  Mmmmmmmmm. . .

It’s almost orgasmic thinking of the way it use to be for me.

Annoyance Keep Coming Back

I’ve had numerous men in my life that seem to come and go.   And come and go.  And they all want one thing.   To start off where they left me.  More than anything I hate that, w/ the exception of one.   *ONE*   All the others, they can go to hell.  This includes and is not limited to: the X, the fuck buddy, Eagles, and Doug.

If any of these guys had the balls I thought they had, they would never have bothered to start talking to me in the first place.   But they had some balls.  And now they think they’ve grown bigger balls.

My X called me tonight, after I foolishly gave him my phone number.  And I knew what it would lead to.  I even said no, a few times, until I gave in.  And he said he couldn’t promise to behave, which I totally believe him, because every time he couldn’t control himself around me.  Sick and tired of being someone’s fucktoy when I don’t admire, trust, or respect them.

The fuck buddy is still going strong on the phone calls.   Every Saturday night around 9pm.  Yep, I know it’s coming. And yep, I ignore him. 

Eagles is a whole other matter. And manner.  He’s one I’ve never even came in physical contact w/ because he was too busy spouting off senseless shit and toying w/ me. Plus, he said he has manned up since then.  So I guess that makes him manless when we talked earlier?  Back when I first started talking to him, I liked him well enough.  Well enough to send him some videos (not necessarily of me being bad, but of me saying bad things,) and well enough to make a promise to him.  As far as I’m concerned, that promise became null and void when he became a total pussy.    And I told him about it.  And he said he changed.  He started dating someone else. And that someone else he met, just like he met me.  He gave her a chance…..What the hell was so different about me?  I’m not the one harrassing him now that he’s broken it off w/ me.  I’m not the one trying to make his life a hell.   Hmmmm, maybe he should have thought things thru a little more thoroughly?  Either way, I’ve told him it can’t be the way it was, not after he lied so blatantly.  (This was the first time he came back into my life.)  Now, I’ve got him blocked because the 2nd time he came back, he now thinks that since I’ve seen a picture of him, that I’ll desire him more.  Not so.  He may like my body type, but I don’t like his face.  And if I don’t like a persons face, you can pretty much forget it.  He’s not my type.   Plus, he thinks that since I’ve seen his face that he’ll be getting more pictures from me, more videos.  With him only giving pics in return.   I don’t see how this is fair.  I believe in fairness.   It is NOT fair.

Now Doug.  I’ve met him, he’s lied to me also.  And now he wants to come over and show me his tattoo.  One I’ve already seen.  One that hasn’t changed since I’ve seen him.  And it’s been 2 years.  Not much to seduce me into giving him another BJ for his short fucking dick!   Maybe if he had one of size, I’d have considered checking out his tattoo again, but I don’t think so.   And then he disappeared after I said no.  Imagine that.

Out of these 4 guys, 3 of them have lied to me.  Yet that doesn’t deterred them from trying to start something I will no way in hell let them finish.  But it gives me joy in toying w/ them.   It gives me great joy to see how far I can make them go to get what they want, so I can tell them, to their face, “You’re not man enough for me!”

When Taking Charge Sucks

My past and recent fuck buddy is lame.  That’s putting it politely, and I hate to be polite about things like that.  He’s so … boring. So dull.  So every word in the thesaurus for yawn.   He’s a flash in the pan.  He’s a minute man.  A 3 pump chump.  If I’m that lucky.  And he tries to give me such flattery: “Your pussy just feels so good.”  Um, more like he just can’t control himself.  

I’ve learned the only way he can even last 5 minutes is if I take charge.   I hate taking charge.  Sometimes.  Ok, most times.  I like being able to be passive-aggressive *and* in charge w/ one person.  I like having the best of both worlds.  But I never get best of both worlds.   Not recently.   It’s been so humdrum for me, I’ve given up sex. 

Altho, it hasn’t stopped me from wishing for it.   I definitely can’t count on the 3 pump chump.  Even tho I’ve had a talk w/ him.  I told him I can’t stand that I have to wear only a black satin robe, undress him as soon as he walks in the door, and pretty much direct him from there.   And what sucks is, he’s almost strictly a missionary guy.  Even tho I’ve told him about that, too. 

Even tho he’s a minute man, I still wouldn’t have minded sex w/ him as long as it was frequent.  But we’d be sporatic, once every few months.   And it depended on him, because he’d be either too busy w/ his stupid friends or have a week/month long girlfriend.   And it was never during the week because he was too busy being a workaholic.   Honestly, how can a person have good sex if it’s not often? If it’s not longer than a minute?   I don’t know!

Now, during the past month, every Saturday night between 9:30 & 11:00pm, he’s called me.  I haven’t bothered to answer my phone.  I don’t know why he’s calling so much.  This isn’t like him; totally out of character.   Kinda makes me feel like he wants me … for something. 

He’s actually got me trained like Pavlov’s dog.  Every time he calls, I know it’s for sex.  It’s never for just regular friendly chit-chat, the way it use to be when we first started talking.   And I told him about that too.  And he says he’s trying to be gentlemanly and not be sexual.  But in the next breath, “Are you feeling naughty?”    Argh!!! 

Maybe I’d actually think about picking up the phone if he was adventurous.